This post is going to be me rambling about all the reasons why I am low-key terrified of entering the workforce that exists outside the boundary of my university campus, and why I just wish I could stay sheltered in this school environment forever. Note that by “staying in school” I don’t just mean “being a student” but I include also options such as work and employment on campus in some way or another.
I’m at the age where I need to be financially independent, that is to say, earning a subsistent income (not to mention saving up for grand expenses that society has codified into the foundations of adulting i.e., buying a house, starting a family and potentially raising a kid). Anyway, evidently I am not quite there yet. Here I am, still stuck in this transitional, parasitic phase of extending my attachment to my educational institution for as long as I can while refusing to take on an official full-time job. I feel like an overgrown kid who keeps denying the reality of adulting. A Peter Pan but more anxious and less genuinely at peace with the prospect of remaining a child for eternity. For many reasons which I will go more in-depth into here, I just find the idea of remaining rooted in this environment, even without being a student, so much more appealing and preferable to the uncertainty and discomfort of searching for adulthood elsewhere. I may be a little irrational in my fear of the unfamiliar world beyond my campus, but I also attribute a lot of my desire to stay in an educational context to a few rational explanations. I don’t want to deny being a comfort seeker who finds moving on to “the real world” rather nerve-wracking, but I also have legitimate reasons (as opposed to false excuses) to think this way.
First of all, school is just the perfect environment for learning, which is the one thing I know I will never give up on for the rest of my life. Sure, there is learning in the professional world too – probably the more hands-on and applicable type that happens to earn you a means of living as well. But no matter how people convince me that working in a professional context can provide me with just as many opportunities for learning as studying/working in educational institutions, I don’t think the former can ever grant me the same amount of care for the essence of learning as the latter. This is an abstract thing to wrap my head around which I suppose those who have been out of school for a long time wouldn’t get. What I mean is that school (be it higher education or secondary, elementary or even prior education) tends to give a sense of absolute (or near absolute) support for the learning endeavor, more so than a focus on making money or advancing some social agenda that we often find in the adult world. Of course how learning is conceptualized and implemented depends a lot on where we get our education and what priorities are linked to it (in some places for example, education can be dedicated chiefly to the acquisition of high-income jobs). But overall, throughout the many years during which we stay in school, protected from the demands to be financially responsible for ourselves or morally responsible for the ills of society, we can afford the peace of being single-mindedly focused on our own learning. I’m not suggesting that this is an ideal state to be. I’m tempted to think that in the grand scheme of things, it is probably a good idea to remain balanced across all demands for ourselves – internal or external, self-motivated or altruistic, theoretical or practical. That doesn’t discount the fact that each of us can have a disposition for one thing more than others. In my case, just learning for the sake of learning may have a slight edge compared to more practical matters of applying that learning to “fix” society or ensuring financial comfort for myself and those around me. Some may frown at this and call it selfish and impractical – and they are right! The point is that we all have a certain level of comfort with and preference for different needs out there, and there really isn’t any one formula that is “the best”. Judgment towards what people want for themselves can only go as far as making the judger insecure, self-conscious, and judgmental towards their own desire.
And so my first reason for wanting to remain in the school setting, whether to continue my education or to join the workforce within this context, has to do with my strong penchant for that unapologetic spirit of unlimited learning that schools seem to endorse. Again I don’t think it’s a standard for every school environment, but at least from my experience, learning is more likely to exist in schools than elsewhere such as in a corporate setting.
Second, universities and other educational institutions just seem to have a much better appreciation for young talents (and by “better” I mean more beneficial for me i.e., a young person). Being fresh out of uni and even with quite a long stretch of educational background, I will inevitably face certain judgment for my qualifications (or lack thereof) from those who surpass me in terms of professional experience or just the general duration of being professionally employed. “Who cares about what these little brats who know nothing about “the real world” have to say? All they did was being fed unpractical knowledge in schools and now they are entering offices to be lazy, entitled, and completely out of touch with the reality of working adults!” I have no doubt that there are many, many professionals out there who appreciate the fresh, distinctly “naive” (so to say) perspectives of young talents, and who wouldn’t just dismiss their new inexperienced hires. Yet again, it’s a case of higher likelihood that those who work within the context of educational institutions simply have more comfort with and appreciation for what youths can offer. In all of my jobs working with departments and offices in both of my universities, I have never for once felt depreciated even in my most disoriented or underperforming moments. My superiors would always find ways to give me feedback and redirect me to more effective work strategies (that benefited me too, no doubt) without belittling my lack of experience or misguided beliefs. It has been good luck that I always manage to have incredibly supportive managers and supervisors. But in general I believe it’s not a strange pattern in educational institutions to come across those who are used to working with young people and able to recognize the value of even the most “inexperienced”.
Likewise, I am perhaps too invested in the challenge of nourishing the generations even younger than me to sever this attachment to educational institutions for now (this is partly why I decided to go into Educational studies for graduate school). Being here to always welcome new cohorts of learners from every part of the world and contribute to their exploration of science and the arts will be constant rejuvenation for me and possibly one of the few reasons why I have hopes going forward in whatever I’m doing right now.
As for the last reason why I want to remain in a school environment for a long time: it is actually a close cousin of the first reason I have described above, only a bit more superficial and material. Schools don’t have only an attitude that’s favorable for learning, but also ample of resources and facilities that can fulfill every avid learner’s wildest dreams: massive library collections, inexhaustible access to research articles and other knowledge bases, elaborate tools and structures that enable academic exploration, and of course many distinguished scholars whom you can learn from. These are perks that I cannot imagine missing from my life after so many years of being steeped in them and enjoying without a second thought all the rewards they bring to my own education. Unless my future workplace can supply me with just as much knowledge and learning materials, I think I’ll always feel deprived somehow in my passion for learning (ok time to check that alumni access to make sure the perks can live on even to a little extent).
At some of the lowest points during the process of ploughing through my master’s research, I would tell myself that this kind of academic work wasn’t for me and that sooner or later I would give up remaining in this constant stretch of being a student. Yet, I often simultaneously feel a subconscious nudge that triggers even more fear of leaving this learning environment than of staying in it. As I take on new roles and responsibilities (albeit short-term ones) to be involved on campus and not necessarily as a student, I think my wish is being answered by the many opportunities that come by and that further solidify my conviction that school is, and has always been, home.