The other day I read a blog post by former Guardian columnist Oliver Burkeman that gave me an enlightening sort of realization. The idea that he was suggesting is quite simple, yet transformative for how I do things now. And so I wish to relay the idea to others in hopes of perhaps lending a different perspective to those who might need it.
Essentially, he entertained the possibility that we are already at the point where we ought to be in this life, that even without doing more we already count as a valuable existence in the universe, and that everything we do now can simply be seen as surplus, nonessential efforts. How this idea seems ‘radical’ in the norms of today’s world is obvious: since the day we’re born, everything seems to convey a message that we need to get somewhere, ‘grow into’ some certain kind of person, work for and accomplish some grand goals, or please some people whether they mean anything to us or not. On top of that, the world keeps breeding new problems for us to attempt to fix; one day it’s a war somewhere far away, the next it’s a battle in our own backyard, and every day our planet deteriorates to ruins right in front of our eyes. The list of our duties gradually turns into a bottomless pit, and to ever feel like we have done or been ‘enough’ is a sentiment that keeps getting further and further away with each day we carry on living.
The kind of efforts required to fulfill all these expectations can be overwhelming and even paralyzing to those of us who care too much. It creates a dilemma where one feels torn between laboring for all external demands and retreating to the safety of tending to only one’s own internal needs. Either extreme feels wrong to me somehow, and I have for years been searching for that elusive middle point that can grant me both a sense of purpose and contentment. In the mean time, I struggle to feel adequate in the most fundamental way, as if I have gotten the wrong perspective on and intention for my very own existence. In fulfilling both the needs of my own and those of the world, I watch myself fall behind and sense a looming dread that I will stay locked in this place of lacking for the rest of my life. In other words, I will continue to never quite live up to whatever the world needs of me, or what I need of myself.
Now this is where that little thought exercise from Oliver Burkeman presented an escape for me. As I was swinging myself back and forth between the two ends of the spectrum and constantly feeling uneasy about falling short, I truly needed that comforting perspective of me already being ‘enough’. What I needed to realize was that at whichever point on the spectrum I was, there wasn’t actually any objective necessity for me to move even an inch to either side. My existence on that plain perhaps was sufficient, and I didn’t need to do more, either for myself or for others, to prove my worth in life. Anything I would do further could count as a surplus action done out of my own agency and desire, not out of duty or obligation. If I work in mobilizing climate action, any effort I commit is a helpful bonus for the movement and not some kind of score to be tallied up to measure my value or to judge my dues. If I pursue higher education, I shall do it because I genuinely find it meaningful and enjoyable an endeavor, not because it makes me more worthy of a person.
In facing the expectations from society, the myriad of problems in the world, and the private voice endorsing self-aspiration, we should understand that our existence is justified even if we don’t strive harder and exert an unreasonable amount of effort. We can take the choice to act and enhance any parts of the world or our happiness, but the choice is at our own discretion and not a responsibility assigned to us at birth. It’s a small shift in perspective that may help lift some burden off our shoulders and lead us out of the constant anxiety over never being quite enough, yet it still guides us through our journey of adding value and joy to this world as we desire.